I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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