This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
