Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
