Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
