true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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