after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
