So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
