she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
