Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
