I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
