I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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