i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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