I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
