he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
