just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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