There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
