i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
