So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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