She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
