Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
