she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
