Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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