i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
