Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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