No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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