Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think your dad took our porno
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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