Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
