hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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