Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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