Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
