i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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