This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
