Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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