O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my poor anus
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
