I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
