Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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