so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
