I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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