What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
