I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
