If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
