I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
