Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
