you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So vagazzling was a success
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
