he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
