And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
