those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
