Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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