fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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