Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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